159. Turn 'They Make Me' Into 'I Choose To' | Ask Tessa Q&A · The Momset Podcast summary

Key takeaways

You are responsible for your reactions and responses as a parent, regardless of your children's behavior.
Shifting from a 'makes me' mentality to a 'I choose to' mindset empowers you and maintains your control.
Model the behavior, values, and responses you desire in your children through clear focus and responsibility.
Focus on one lesson or value at a time to reduce overwhelm and enhance learning and retention.
Cultivate inner peace and trust through faith and self-control rather than trying to externally control your environment.
Recognize the difference between healthy boundaries and attempts at control disguised as boundaries, and prioritize internal regulation.
Your response to challenging situations can influence your children’s behavior more effectively than punishment or coercion.

Summary

Understanding the 'Makes Me' Mindset

This section explores how our minds can play tricks on us, especially through challenging circumstances involving our children. The 'makes me' mentality is discussed as an unhealthy victim mindset where parents feel powerless, attributing their reactions and feelings to their children’s actions. The host emphasizes the importance of recognizing this mindset and shifting towards a perspective of personal responsibility and control, highlighting that we are responsible for how we respond regardless of external behavior.

Empowerment Through Personal Responsibility in Parenting

Here, the focus is on the power of parents to choose how they respond, regardless of their children’s behavior. The host discusses examples like laughing inappropriately or arguing with kids, emphasizing that these are choices, not inevitable reactions. The key message is that when parents accept full ownership of their actions and emotions, they maintain control and set a positive example, which can influence children to respond differently as well.

Modeling and Teaching Values Effectively

This section underscores the importance of modeling the behavior and values parents want to see in their children. The host shares strategies like focusing on one lesson at a time, setting clear boundaries, and choosing moments for teaching based on what the child needs most. Practical examples, such as addressing unfairness or emotional regulation with children, illustrate how to teach values like fairness, respect, and responsibility through observation and guided conversations.

Shifting Focus from Control to Inner Peace and Faith

The host discusses how many struggles stem from a desire to control external circumstances, which is ultimately unproductive. Instead, cultivating inner peace through faith, trust, and spiritual connection empowers parents to parent from a place of confidence rather than fear. The importance of distinguishing between boundaries that protect personal peace and control disguised as boundaries is emphasized, encouraging parents to focus on self-regulation rather than external control.

Practical Strategies for Staying Calm and Focused

This part provides actionable advice for maintaining composure and clarity in parenting moments. The host advocates for focusing on one key lesson or behavior, using specific questions and observations, and taking responsibility for one's reactions. Examples include using questions to redirect children and modeling respectful, accountable behavior, thereby influencing children to adapt their responses without force or punishment.

Show notes

We are turning to the IG community for questions to see where mindset can be improved in our homes.

This episode will create a strong understanding of what IS in your control, even when it would be tempting to say your kids "make you" do something. The mind can be a tricky-topsy-tippy place so learning how to catch the "makes me" mentality is incredibly empowering.

Once you see it, you'll never unsee it!

159. Turn 'They Make Me' Into 'I Choose To' | Ask Tessa Q&A