178. Your Kids Don't Decide the Mom You Want to Be | When Fun is Met With Disappointment

Tessa emphasizes the importance of moms deciding who they want to be before the moment arises, rather than allowing their children’s reactions to dictate their self-perception. She advocates for being the author of your identity—making a conscious choice about the mother you aim to be—and following through, regardless of your child's reaction. The episode encourages moms to love and approve of who they are creating themselves to be, independent of their children's approval, viewing reactions as information rather than judgments.

Tessa shares two personal stories illustrating her philosophy. The first is a hot desert trail run where she used mental visualization to push through, embodying the spontaneous and fun mom she aspires to be. The second story involves her daring pool jump with her son, a spontaneous act that didn't go perfectly—her son felt upset, and she faced internal scripts of shame and victimhood. These stories highlight the importance of pre-deciding who you are before situations occur, following through on those choices, and witnessing reactions without taking them personally.

Tessa introduces a three-beat framework: 1) Decide who you are before the moment, 2) Follow through with your decision despite uncertainty, 3) Let your child's reaction be theirs, not a reflection of your worth. She stresses the necessity of knowing your purpose, confidently executing your plans, and remaining a peaceful witness to your child's feelings, rather than a punching bag for their emotions. This approach fosters authenticity, resilience, and internal approval.

Listeners are encouraged to complete the sentence 'I'm the mom who ___' out loud and then do one small action that proves that statement. The episode emphasizes that small, intentional acts (like jumping into a pool fully clothed) serve as tangible proof of your self-identity. This practice helps embed your chosen identity and makes your internal declaration visible and real. The ultimate goal is internal approval—trusting your intentions and loving the mom you are becoming.