166. "Makes Me" Mindset, Be Gone

The podcast begins with Tessa Romero introducing the concept of the 'makes me' mindset, where individuals believe that external circumstances, other people's actions, or situations directly cause their feelings and reactions. Tessa shares her personal history of living by this mindset until she realized its destructive nature, particularly in her role as a mother. She emphasizes that this mindset fosters a victim mentality, where people blame others for their internal states, leading to a loss of personal responsibility and empowerment. The goal of the episode is to challenge this outdated belief and introduce a more empowered perspective.

Tessa discusses the fundamental truth that 'identity plus mindset equals actions.' She emphasizes that who you believe you are and what you think determines how you behave. Rather than blaming external circumstances, individuals need to take full responsibility for their thoughts, feelings, and behaviors. She encourages listeners to carefully craft their self-identity with positive, empowering 'I am' statements, warning against negative self-labels, which reinforce unwanted behaviors. The episode urges a conscious effort to replace negative beliefs with constructive ones, thereby transforming actions and overall life experiences.

The podcast explores how thoughts are the root cause of feelings, supported by scientific research. An example is given where a perceived slight, like someone not answering a call, leads to feelings like anger—this reaction is driven by the interpretation of the situation. Reframing thoughts, such as imagining a friend missing a call because they are engaged with their kids, shifts feelings from frustration to inspiration. Tessa stresses that circumstances are neutral; it’s our thoughts about them that create emotional responses, reinforcing the importance of managing thoughts to regulate feelings.

Tessa introduces the idea that everything in life is a projection of one’s beliefs. She likens perceptions to a projection on a screen, which can be adjusted by changing one's underlying beliefs. She illustrates this with the example of a child hitting a sibling, suggesting that viewing the child as doing their best and learning helps foster compassion rather than judgment. Changing your internal beliefs clears the lens through which you see the world, leading to more positive and constructive perceptions of everyday circumstances.

The episode emphasizes that all actions and thoughts are driven by personal choice—people do things because they want to, get to, like to, or can. No one makes you yell, lie, or angered; these are choices rooted in internal desires and perceptions. Recognizing this empowers individuals to take full responsibility for their behavior and identity, enabling them to intentionally craft who they want to be. The discussion encourages ownership of one's current state to facilitate genuine change and growth.