The Intentional Parents Podcast
20 Years From Now: What You'll Wish You Focused On As a Parent (w/ Sally Lemos, MS, LPC)
· Summarized
Key takeaways
- Parenting is more about relationship and connection than perfection or performance.
- Humility and ongoing repair are vital for healthy family dynamics and emotional resilience.
- Breaking generational patterns requires awareness, prayer, and a long-term perspective.
- Parents should continually ask, listen, and support their adult children without control, trusting God's plan.
- Persistent prayer and trusting God's work in our children’s lives are powerful, ongoing acts of faith.
Summary
The Heart Behind Parenting: Connection Over Perfection
This section emphasizes the importance of focusing on relationship, humility, and emotional health in parenting, rather than merely behavioral outcomes. The speakers reflect on how their past pursuits of order, perfection, and performance, often driven by external criticisms or internal fears, distracted them from nurturing genuine connection with their children. They discuss the deep need for repair, the grace of God in our messiness, and the freedom that comes with embracing human imperfection. The findings suggest that confident, resilient children are raised through relational intimacy, understanding, and ongoing repair, not through strict rule enforcement.
Breaking Unhealthy Generational Patterns
The conversation explores the process of recognizing and stopping harmful family legacies, such as issues with body image or anger. The speakers share their own journeys of uncovering these patterns, asking questions about their roots, and intentionally deconstructing unhelpful beliefs passed down through generations. They highlight the importance of awareness, prayer, and community support in this process. The idea that transformation takes multiple generations is discussed, with an encouragement to start with oneself and trust God to bring lasting change over time.
Parenting Adult Children with Grace and Intentionality
This section discusses the ongoing role of parents in the lives of their adult children. It emphasizes the need to ask, listen, and support without controlling, acknowledging that children will forge their own paths and beliefs. The speakers stress the importance of humility, continual growth, and recognizing that, even in adult relationships, the goal is to foster connection and trust in God's sovereignty. They advocate for a posture of open questions, ongoing prayer, and being a safe landing place for adult children.
The Power and Practice of Prayer for Children’s Spiritual Growth
The speakers share their practices of praying regularly and specifically for their children and grandchildren, trusting that God is always working. They emphasize perseverance in prayer, citing biblical stories like 2 Chronicles 20 to remind listeners that even when answers are delayed, God hears and acts in His perfect timing. Prayer is seen as a powerful tool to align hearts with God's will, sustain hope, and participate in His ongoing work in the lives of loved ones. The importance of community and inviting others into prayer is also highlighted.
Sponsors
- Intentional · We want to invite you to two special retreats this fall—our intentional motherhood retreat in Portland, Oregon, October 15th-17th, and our intentional fatherhood retreat in Austin, Texas, November 12th-14th. These retreats are spaces for encountering God, experiencing healing, honesty, friendship, freedom, and transformation. You can learn more and grab tickets at IntentionalParents.org. All things fatherhood are at IntentionalFatherhood.org.
- Intentional · Join our community in prayer through our 31-day devotional, Sowing a Hidden Seed, which is born out of a desire to lead kids spiritually through honest, daily prayer. You can find it on IntentionalParents.org, and those who partner with us at $25/month or more will receive a copy as a thank you.
Show notes
What if you could fast-forward 20 years and discover what really mattered in parenting…and what didn't? In this rich and encouraging conversation, Elizabeth sits down with her mother, Diane, and our dear friend and mentor, Sally Lemos, to reflect on the lessons they've learned through decades of parenting, faith, healing, and growth.
Together, we talk about the pressures parents face in an age of endless information, the fear of getting it wrong, and the anxiety many carry about their children's future. Sally and Diane share what they once thought mattered most — things like keeping a perfect home, focusing on performance, and emphasizing behavior — and why they now believe connection, humility, and relationship are far more important.
We also explore the importance of emotional health, repair after mistakes, raising resilient kids, and creating a safe space where our children can bring their whole selves. Finally, we discuss what it looks like to parent adult children, break unhealthy generational patterns, and continue trusting God through the power of prayer. If you're looking for wisdom, perspective, and hope for your parenting journey, this conversation is for you.
Sally Lemos, MS, LPC: New Bloom Therapy (newbloomtherapy.com) | sally@newbloomtherapy.com
Scripture Mentioned: Deuteronomy 7:9-12 + 2 Chronicles 19-20
Previous Episodes Mentioned: Was Parenting Always This Hard… Or Are We Just Failing?(YouTube, Spotify + Apple Podcasts) + Generations, Leaving and Cleaving + 6 Ways to Honor Your Parents (YouTube, Spotify + Apple Podcasts)
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