The Daily
‘Modern Love’: How to Stop Asking ‘Are You Mad at Me?’
· Summarized
Key takeaways
- The Whartle Archive allows players to access thousands of puzzles from the New York Times for continuous enjoyment.
- The core theme of this week's Modern Love focuses on interpersonal anxieties and relationships, particularly the constant need for approval.
- Understanding one's childhood experiences can aid in addressing adult anxieties and behaviors.
- The fawning response can prevent individuals from developing their own identity and lead to stress and confusion.
- Compassion for oneself and understanding parental limitations can foster healing, even in the face of unresolved childhood issues.
Summary
Introduction to Whartle and Its Archive
Robert Van Loon introduces listeners to Whartle, a daily word puzzle game featured by The New York Times. He explains the exciting launch of the Whartle Archive, a collection that allows players to access thousands of puzzles, including missed games from previous days.
Introduction to Modern Love and This Week's Episode
Natalie, a team member, highlights the ongoing feature of the Modern Love show on Sundays, discussing the complexities of relationships. Host Anna Martin introduces the episode with therapist Meg Josephson, focusing on the question "Are you mad at me?" and the feelings of inadequacy tied to it.
Exploring the Concept of 'Are You Mad at Me?'
Meg Josephson discusses her lifelong experience with anxiety related to people's perceptions of her. She explains the origins of continually asking herself if others are upset with her, tracing it back to her childhood and the affect it had on her development.
Fawning Response and Its Consequences
The podcast delves into the 'fawning' response, a survival mechanism where individuals appease others to feel secure. Josephson describes how this pattern has led to difficulties in adulthood such as burnout, loss of identity, and the inability to assert oneself.
Navigating Complex Parental Relationships
Josephson shares her experiences growing up with a complex family dynamic, particularly focusing on the effects of emotional neglect and the confusing expectations placed upon her as a child. She explores the pain of not being known by her parents.
Love and Longing for Different Family Experiences
The episode features a reading of the Modern Love essay 'My Three Years as a Beloved Daughter,' highlighting the longing for healthy familial relationships and the impact that absence of nurturing can have on development. Josephson reflects on her desire for the love she observed in her friend’s family.
Conclusion and Reflection
The episode wraps up with Josephson reflecting on her journey towards healing and understanding her past. The conversation emphasizes compassion for oneself and for parents, underscoring that understanding does not excuse behavior, but can aid in healing.
Sponsors
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Show notes
“Am I in trouble?” “Am I secretly bad?” These are questions Meg Josephson, a therapist and author, grew up asking herself. She was constantly trying to anticipate other people’s needs, worried that she was letting other people down. And it wasn’t until she found herself standing in the aisle of a Bed Bath & Beyond, trying to remember her favorite color, that she realized her desire to please everyone was eroding her sense of self.
On this episode of Modern Love, Josephson talks about how that realization led her to confront her tumultuous childhood, and what it took to stop “people pleasing.” She then reads the Modern Love essay “My Three Years as a Beloved Daughter” by Erin Brown, about a woman who found a type of love in her best friend’s parents that she had never experienced before, and what that taught her about her own parents.
Josephson’s book, “Are You Mad At Me?,” is available Aug. 5, 2025.
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