How video games can power up your parenting | Hannah Boquet (re-release)

Host Elise Hu introduces Hannah Boquet’s central question: instead of repeatedly trying to pull her children away from video games, what if she entered their world? Boquet says her sons are “digital native youth,” having grown up alongside video games, smartphones, the internet and other technology. When they were small, they climbed into her lap for lullabies and stories; as they became preteens and teenagers, she felt their shared time slipping away. Her solution was to try playing with them, despite having no real interest in video games beyond remembering that she was once good at Diddy Kong Racing. Boquet describes joining her then-10- and 12-year-old sons in Fortnite while she played from her home and they played from their father’s house. Her children immediately began earning points and opening treasure chests, while she remained where she had landed, spinning in circles because she did not know how to move, open a door or open a chest. Soon she announced that she had been shot and was down. Her 12-year-old ran to her, built a structure from nothing and healed her. Her middle son then crashed a semi-truck through that structure, emerged in a full-body banana costume and reluctantly healed her too. Rather than quit, Boquet laughed with them. The boys stayed close and taught her, and she realized she was learning not only Fortnite but also how her sons communicated and connected with each other.

Boquet says playing together gave her the kind of connection she had been craving. The relationship worked because the children taught her a new skill and she was willing to be “brave enough or silly enough” to play badly alongside them. Her brother Amos confirmed that games could create family closeness when ordinary communication could not. Amos lives in New Zealand and previously lived in Germany, so Boquet’s children had never lived in the same country as him. They would not normally spend an hour on the phone with their uncle, but they would join him on Fortnite, make memories and discover, among other things, how “absolutely feral” Boquet’s middle son could be. She then explains esports in simple terms: competitive video games. Fortnite and other shooters qualify, but so can computer-based chess; what matters is competition. Mario Kart, Fortnite and Rocket League are examples familiar to many children. Boquet jokes that parents should not call them “electronic sports,” because doing so will cost them their street credibility with their children. She points to South Dakota’s decision in 2025 to sanction esports as a high-school activity. In her account, students on school teams are practicing leadership, teamwork, communication, strategy and handling difficult emotions—not merely playing. She argues that employers can eventually benefit from those skills, and that esports is unusually inclusive because age, background and ability do not prevent people from playing, competing, improving and winning.

Boquet takes seriously parents’ concerns about online games, especially the fact that children may communicate with strangers. She calls that fear valid, but says joining her children in the space changed her understanding. By learning alongside them, she could see their world directly, help them navigate it and better protect them. The games were not only potentially risky environments; they were also shared spaces in which parents and children could experience joy together. She gives a second practical example involving her life as a single parent. Before introducing her children to a significant other and combining their families in person, she arranged for both adults and all the children to play Fortnite together. She calls it a “life hack” because the game removed the pressure to maintain conversation: if nobody had anything to say, they could simply keep playing, and if things went badly, anyone could leave without having to stay for a set amount of time. Boquet could observe how the man responded to her children’s silly, competitive and sometimes “feral” behavior. She could also see how he handled his own children when they were upset or critical of one another. When the families eventually met face-to-face, they already had shared experiences and topics to discuss.

Boquet connects her parenting choice to her own childhood in rural South Dakota during the 1990s. Her parents warned that television would rot their brains and appeared to throw away the family TV, though they had actually stored it. When the family received a Nintendo 64 for Christmas, the console came with four controllers, the TV came back out, and Boquet and her brothers played together. She sometimes won, especially at Diddy Kong Racing, but the deeper value was seeing another side of her father. She describes him as strict, serious and a disciplinarian on one side, but playful, carefree and hilarious on the other. Multiplayer games brought out the latter side. Her brother Ezra remembered playing Halo when their father came home for lunch and sat down to join him. Half an hour became an hour, then two hours, until Ezra asked whether he needed to return to work. Their father replied, “Work can wait, we’re saving the world right now.” Boquet emphasizes that her father did not particularly like video games and was not good at them, but he played because that was where his children were. After his death eight years earlier, she wished they had been able to make more such memories. That regret informs her decision to play Fortnite or Minecraft whenever her own children ask, regardless of how busy she is.

Boquet says people who hear her discuss esports often share stories—not of isolated teenagers in basements drinking energy drinks, but of connection. She traces her own larger involvement in the field to saying yes when her children asked her to play Fortnite. Later, her boss asked her to travel to northern Minnesota to research an esports competition and determine what would be required to create something similar in Sioux Falls. She began learning with colleagues how to build an esports program locally. That process led to her co-leading South Dakota’s first all-ages, free esports competition in Sioux Falls the previous September. The organization’s board agreed to bring it back for a second round in October. Boquet says she never expected to stand on a TEDx stage, but the journey began with the very ordinary desire to reconnect with her sons. Her conclusion is that connection is worth pursuing even when a parent does not know how to “open the door”—literally the problem she faced in her first Fortnite session. By entering an unfamiliar activity, accepting unexpected opportunities and learning alongside her children, she found stronger family bonds, a way to understand online risks and a path into community esports. Her final unexpected benefit is that her children now legitimately think she is cool.