Episode 142: Let's talk about sex & Superbad

Before discussing the episode topic, Billy Garvey and Nick catch up after spending nine days at a surf-coast caravan park with their families and friends. Billy surfed for the first time in a year, while Nick enjoyed watching the children play together and helping Billy’s youngest skateboard in the bowl. They particularly liked an afternoon when the girls gradually went into the cold ocean wearing jeans. Billy calls the simple routine—shared meals, the beach, friends and children forming their own community—“beautiful downtime.” Their comic low point was a bunk-bed dispute that left Nick sleeping badly on a child-sized bottom bunk.

Billy describes recently threatening his children with consequences because he was too tired to keep negotiating, while Nick recalls solving a late-night sleep problem by putting both children beside his already sleeping partner. They then discuss upcoming parenting workshops, a live podcast event in Sydney with Dylan Buckley, and renewed Patreon live Q&As. Nick corrects an earlier omission: some Patreon elements require payment, which funds the free work, although the team has disabled prompts pressuring people to upgrade after a listener complained. They frame the change as part of learning from the community.

Nick initially watched Superbad across two sittings, then both hosts discuss why the 2007 film still works. Billy notes that Seth Rogen wrote it from his own high-school experience but became too old to play the Michael Cera role after the film took about 14 years to reach production. They admire Michael Cera, Jonah Hill, Emma Stone’s early performance, the McLovin storyline and the absurd police characters. Beneath the comedy, they see three teenagers navigating friendship, shame, identity and the impending change of leaving school; the apparent quest for sex becomes a story about relationships and growing up.

Billy argues that Superbad captures how teenagers can mistake sex for the goal while actually seeking reassurance, friendship or connection. Seth performs exaggerated, hyper-sexualised confidence, whereas Michael Cera’s character is visibly uncomfortable with alcohol and pressure. Both ultimately discover that the goal they thought they wanted is not what they needed. The hosts contrast this with Australian adolescence, where leaving home for college is less common than in the film. They also note that the movie’s parents are largely absent, reinforcing Billy’s memory of sex and adolescence as a world adults did not enter.

Billy says his own sex education amounted to a single awkward conversation, much like the traditional parental approach to drugs, alcohol, parties or getting into a car with a drunk driver. He argues that sex is not merely a list of dangers such as pregnancy and sexually transmitted infections: it can involve pleasure, bonding, affection and communication. When his daughter Evie asks how babies grow in a mother’s belly, Billy begins explaining inherited traits before she changes the subject. He treats that interruption as a reminder to follow a child’s lead rather than forcing a definitive “birds and bees” talk.

Billy recommends starting with correct anatomical names, including distinguishing the vulva from the vagina, rather than beginning with intercourse. He describes his sister-in-law drawing vulvas in chalk in a remote Indigenous community, challenging why public graffiti so often depicts only penises. Children can learn consent through play: they should ask before wrestling, check in during the game, notice when someone freezes or becomes overwhelmed, and respect a clear “no” voice. Billy also says babies and toddlers naturally explore their bodies, and that learning what feels pleasurable or uncomfortable—whether through a shower, surfing or social connection—builds later self-awareness.

Billy says the average age of first exposure to pornography is around 12 or 13, and about half of those children did not seek it out. It may arrive through an older peer or algorithms while a child is viewing fitness, confidence or other content. Unlike the magazines Billy and Nick encountered, videos can depict coercion, harm and unrealistic expectations, leading children to believe pornography represents normal relationships. Billy recommends discussing it without shame: children should know that it is a commercial product designed to attract attention or subscriptions, not an education about intimacy. He reserves pornography for a deeper future discussion.

Billy chooses a scene in which Michael Cera’s character, drunk and nervous, goes to a bedroom with Becca after buying her alcohol. She is also intoxicated and aggressively proposes sex; he becomes overwhelmed, says he does not think she really wants it, and refuses to continue because the situation is not how he imagined it. The hosts praise the scene’s awkward mismatch and its refusal to treat alcohol-fuelled sex as romantic. Billy contrasts it with older James Bond-style scenes in which women resist until men continue. Superbad eventually reunites the characters more healthily, while the boys finish wanting each other’s company.

Billy says sex education must include same-sex relationships, disability, varied preferences and the many reasons people have sex, rather than presenting heterosexual penetration as the final “base.” Adults model this through affectionate, respectful behaviour, checking in and never guilt-tripping a partner. Parents should ask, “What do you know about this?” in low-pressure settings such as a walk, then explain puberty, reproduction, boundaries and online risks incrementally. Nick and Billy acknowledge that children may want perspectives from either parent, an aunt, uncle or educator. Trust is earned through repeated difficult conversations, so children can report pressure, coercion, unwanted images or mistakes without shame.

The hosts connect future sexual safety to ordinary childhood skills: assertiveness, perspective-taking, conflict resolution, body positivity, coping with rejection and recognising peer pressure. Billy warns that a boy’s anger after rejection can make girls feel obliged to comply, so children should learn that disappointment is valid but coercion is not. He recommends books such as Welcome to Sex and organisations including Teach Us Consent and Consent Labs. He also describes his upbringing around gay adults as helping him understand diversity personally, rather than treating it as an abstract category. They invite listeners to send questions, experiences and advice for a follow-up episode.