If You’re Struggling With Money, Listen to This

Mel introduces Vivian Tu, known online as Your Rich BFF, as a former J.P. Morgan Wall Street trader, bestselling author, and financial educator with more than 10 million social-media followers. Vivian says the point of wanting money should not be a lime-green Lamborghini or designer bag. Money gives people power, freedom, and the ability to be “the captain of your own ship,” especially when so many feel that circumstances are changing without their having any say. Vivian rejects the idea that people struggling financially are simply irresponsible. She describes growing up frugally with Chinese immigrant parents, following the expected path through college and a prestigious job, yet still making serious money mistakes. At 21, she once waited until 12:01 a.m. for her direct deposit so she could pay a bar tab, and “your card declined” was among the most frightening phrases she heard. She argues that rising housing, education, and living costs have dramatically outpaced wages, while politics, legislation, and geopolitical events are macroeconomic forces individuals cannot instantly change. Still, people can develop an internal locus of control: not believing everything is their fault, but recognizing that their next decisions can leave them better off than the day before.

Vivian says the first thing she wishes she had known is that being broke is expensive. Overdraft fees, for example, are charged to people who already do not have enough money. Second, she wishes she had understood how destructive comparison could be. Although she had a prestigious job and title, she tried to look financially successful, comparing herself with college peers who appeared to be buying apartments—many of which, she later realized, had been purchased by their parents. The pressure to prove she was not broke put her on a “consumption hamster wheel.” Third, she wishes she had known she would not be broke forever. She tells the story of saving for a year, moving into a tiny Soho apartment, and then discovering a severe German cockroach infestation. Breaking the lease consumed every dollar she had saved, making the year feel wasted. The experience became a “belt-tightening, come-to-Jesus moment.” She stopped weekly manicures and frequent restaurant meals and began making one smart decision after another. Mel reframes the story: having savings gave Vivian the power to leave the apartment. Vivian agrees that good decisions compound just as bad ones do, even if the change happens slowly.

Vivian asks listeners who claim to live paycheck to paycheck to examine whether every after-tax dollar is going to necessities. She recommends reviewing the previous month, returning regretted purchases where possible, and identifying patterns such as lash or nail appointments, sports betting, expensive concert seats, or other discretionary spending. She does not advocate eliminating every pleasure forever; instead, she suggests pausing nonessential spending for a few months to build a buffer and eventually enjoy those things without guilt. Her test for a purchase is: “Would I still buy this if I couldn’t tell anyone about it?” She says designer shoes that hurt her feet brought less satisfaction than purchases that meaningfully improved her life. She also discovered that she had continued paying for a laser-hair-removal subscription after finishing the treatment because she forgot to cancel it. She canceled it, checked the next statement, and began reviewing subscriptions regularly. Vivian says “just spend less” is inadequate because people cannot rely on willpower alone. Instead, they should build a system that pays them first. Direct 90% or 95% of each paycheck to checking and send 5% or 10% automatically to savings. Freelancers can transfer a percentage when invoices are paid and set aside 30% to 40% for taxes, preferably in a high-yield savings account.

Vivian contrasts traditional bank savings rates with high-yield accounts. She says the FDIC national average mentioned in the episode was 0.37%, meaning $100 would earn only 37 cents in a year, while high-yield accounts were offering roughly 3% to 4%, making the same $100 worth about $103 to $104 after a year. Mel turns the idea into a memorable image: “broke you” starts paying “future rich you” every time money arrives. Both speakers stress that savings are not merely an abstract financial goal; they buy sleep and flexibility. Vivian recalls cutting the tip of her finger with a crusty baguette on her 25th birthday and receiving a $13,000 emergency-department bill. Insurance left her owing $1,600, but her emergency fund let her pay it and move on rather than carry the bill. Mel similarly recalls a $125 soccer check bouncing while her daughter played, and the embarrassment of waiting for the coach to ask about it. Vivian adds that someone who is genuinely spending only on necessities cannot budget their way out of poverty. They need more money entering the household. Options include negotiating a raise, seeking a promotion, changing employers for a better salary or bonus, or taking on side work such as dog walking, tutoring, or mowing lawns. She acknowledges that working more is not fair, but says greater income creates the breathing room to make longer-term decisions.

For people in their twenties, Vivian distinguishes between jobs for learning and jobs for earning. An early job that provides experience or a path into an industry may be worthwhile, particularly if returning home can reduce living costs, but eventually increasing income may require changing departments, industries, or employers. She recommends asking for raises with evidence rather than comparisons. Set goals with a manager in January or February, review progress in June or July, then spend the following months delivering against agreed targets. Vivian keeps a “brag book” in her inbox containing praise, accomplishments, and evidence of results. In October or November, she presents those receipts, explains how her work benefited the team, asks for a specific raise or promotion, and then stops talking. She recalls undermining an early negotiation by saying “but if not, that’s okay,” and now advises people not to tell themselves no before the employer responds. For multiple debts, she recommends the avalanche method: make minimum payments on every account, rank debts by interest rate, and direct all extra money to the highest-rate debt until it is gone. For medical bills, she says to request an itemized bill because she cited a statistic that 80% contain errors. Consumers can compare charges through Fair Health Consumer, call the hospital rather than email, ask about waivers, charity care, and relief programs, and request a discount for paying the bill in full immediately.

Vivian tells people behind on retirement that they can catch up. After age 50, catch-up contributions allow people to put more into retirement accounts. Rather than asking vaguely how much they need, she proposes calculating an “FU number”: visualize a perfect year, including housing, dependents, travel, dining, transportation, and other spending, then estimate the annual cost. Divide that amount by 0.04 to estimate the invested balance needed to support it at a 4% withdrawal level. A $1 million portfolio, for example, produces $40,000 at 4%. She notes that Social Security and Medicare may reduce the amount someone needs. She distinguishes saving from investing. Savings create the emergency buffer and the freedom to handle a crisis or leave a bad situation; investing puts money to work for long-term growth. To begin, choose a brokerage and account type—such as a Roth IRA, traditional IRA, or taxable individual account—based on the goal. Funding the account is not enough: the cash must be used to buy investments. Vivian compares this to carrying cash through a grocery store without actually buying food. For beginners who do not want to choose investments, she recommends a robo-advisor. After asking about income, debt, risk tolerance, and retirement timing, it creates a portfolio for a small fee. Vivian says she is a buy-and-hold investor and compares investing to planting a seed: the planting day is not the day you eat the fruit.

Vivian says listeners should first ask why they want to buy a home. Ownership may make sense if they expect to stay in one place for at least five to seven years, want to renovate, and can handle repairs, property taxes, homeowners-association fees, and other costs. It may not make sense for someone who dislikes maintenance, expects to move, may expand their family soon, or cannot comfortably afford both the mortgage and upkeep. Mel emphasizes that this reframes home buying as a personal lifestyle decision rather than a race against parents, friends, or social expectations. They also acknowledge that home ownership can help build generational wealth because it forces saving and may eliminate rent in retirement. Vivian says that in many major metropolitan areas it is currently cheaper to rent than buy, so people should get creative. One example is a person who rents in Los Angeles while buying an investment property in lower-cost Oklahoma, where he has family and can afford the mortgage. For buyers who are ready, Vivian mentions FHA loans, conventional 97 loans, USDA loans for rural areas, and VA loans for veterans. She says buyers do not always need the conventional 20% down payment, although a larger down payment can make monthly payments more manageable. The right financing depends on credit, location, military eligibility, income, and the buyer’s ability to sustain the monthly costs.

Vivian calls living with parents a form of generational wealth, not a personal failure. She cites Federal Reserve data that nearly half of Americans under 30 live with a parent. The benefit may be free or reduced rent, childcare, transportation, or other practical support. She recommends saving the rent that would otherwise be paid, setting a move-out number rather than an arbitrary move-out date, and using the period to increase 401(k) and Roth IRA contributions. The goal is to leave with a financial foundation built on “brick,” not sand. She calls choosing a spouse one of the biggest financial decisions a person makes because partners share most of their lives and money is one of the top sources of conflict. Early conversations can explore what someone would do if they suddenly had enough money, how they would spend a $100,000 vacation budget, what they can afford in rent, and how they would divide expenses. Vivian says the first legal document binding many couples is a lease, so moving in together is a natural time to discuss income, rent, credit, and spending. She warns against entering a relationship hoping to change someone’s ambition or financial behavior. Partners do not need identical incomes, but they should match each other’s effort and agree on roles, whether that means one person earning while another manages the home or both partners sharing paid and unpaid labor. She also challenges stereotypes that women are bad with money, citing claims that single women own more homes than single men in all 50 states, have less debt in every category except student loans, and whose portfolios outperformed men’s in Fidelity’s cited analysis.

Mel and Vivian close by returning to the idea that money should create agency rather than shame. Vivian says people are not bad because they have little money, and people are not automatically good because they have a lot. Money is a tool that can provide freedom and allow someone to decide how to live. Her final message is that listeners are the people who can change their own financial futures, even when life has been unfair or the economic environment is difficult. Mel urges listeners who are tired of being broke or ashamed of the past to make a decision to become their own “rich BFF.” The practical framework from the conversation is to audit spending, automate savings, build an emergency buffer, increase income where necessary, pay high-interest debt first, negotiate with evidence, invest after establishing a foundation, and make deliberate choices about housing and relationships. The episode ends with Mel encouraging listeners to share the conversation with someone who needs both compassion and tough advice. She frames control over finances as the power to make decisions freely, rather than as a status symbol. A closing legal disclaimer says the podcast is for educational and entertainment purposes and is not a substitute for advice from a physician, professional coach, psychotherapist, or other qualified professional.