#2573 - Legion of Skanks

The episode opens with jokes about gynecologists and the unpleasant realities of working on damaged bodies, then shifts into a serious discussion of doctors making catastrophic mistakes. Joe cites the book Dead Doctors Don’t Lie by Joel Wallach, describing its argument that nutrition is the foundation of health and that doctors themselves can be unhealthy or impaired. The group says medical malpractice is among the leading causes of death and trades increasingly extreme examples: a doctor friend who is constantly taking prescription drugs, doctors overdosing during operations, and a woman whose doctors removed the wrong kidney—the healthy one—before realizing their mistake afterward. They compare medicine with other professions in which people are willing to work despite being incompetent, such as bad carpenters or drivers. The discussion then turns to organ transplantation. Joe initially thought organ donors could simply have their organs removed after death, but the group learns that organs must still be receiving oxygen and generally have to be recovered quickly, often while the donor is technically alive or brain-dead. That uncertainty makes Joe question who decides when a person is beyond saving, particularly if a hospital or transplant recipient benefits from the organs. They discuss relatives with transplanted hearts and lungs, the lifelong anti-rejection drugs required afterward, and Ben Askren’s emergency double-lung transplant after an infection destroyed his lungs. Joe says he has considered removing his organ-donor designation because of the possibility of a subjective or mistaken decision.

The comedians discuss stories of people thought to be dead who later revived, including bodies moving in morgues and patients with extremely weak heartbeats being mistakenly declared dead. They mention Anne Heche’s body apparently moving after her fatal crash, though they acknowledge she was critically injured and that the incident became part of conspiracy discussions. Another story concerns a father who brought a gun to a two-day standoff with police because he refused to let doctors remove his comatose son from life support; the son eventually emerged from the coma, although the father went to jail for about a year. From there, they question how much of a deceased person’s remains families actually receive. Joe says he paid extra to have his dog cremated separately after being told the standard process could mix the ashes with those of other dogs, and notes that cremated remains contain bone fragments rather than being pure ash. They consider environmentally oriented burials in which a body becomes part of a tree, then discuss Tibetan sky burials. In that tradition, bodies are taken to a mountain, broken into pieces, and left for vultures, reflecting the idea that a person should return directly to nature. Joe says he could perform the cutting if it were someone’s stated wish, but not to a loved one. The segment ends with the group agreeing that burial seems wasteful while acknowledging that physically preparing a loved one’s body would be emotionally difficult.

The conversation moves to Joe and the others’ failed attempt to fillet a fish for a podcast competition. Joe and Jay injured themselves almost immediately, while Steve’s fish fell apart because he cut too aggressively and started from the wrong side. Joe explains that a proper fillet begins along the back and spine, using a gentler motion. They compare their results with Connor Syndicate’s online videos, in which he fishes from a kayak and prepares elaborate meals on the water using herbs, garlic, burners, and chopping boards. Joe also recalls flipping a canoe while trying to catch trout. The group then questions the ethics of catch-and-release bass fishing, since the fish are caught for sport rather than food. Joe says freshwater fish can contain mercury, PCBs, and PFAS, with contamination varying by species and body of water. He recounts hearing about a tournament fisherman who ate freshwater fish almost exclusively and became seriously ill. They also discuss fishing in Puerto Rico and the Bahamas, where guides warned them not to eat fish above certain sizes or from particular sides of an island because of what the fish consumed. Fear Factor provides a contrast: Joe says he ate a sheep’s eyeball and a large Madagascar hissing cockroach on the show. He argues that the disgust is largely psychological, although he admits the cockroach’s body cavity released a particularly unpleasant burst of fluid when he bit into it.

Joe compares Bear Grylls with Les Stroud’s Survivorman. Stroud, he says, filmed himself alone, carried his own cameras, visibly lost weight, and sometimes had to go directly to a hospital after surviving for days without food. Grylls was still an experienced survivalist, but his productions sometimes used hotels and staged or controlled elements. They praise Alone, in which contestants are dropped into remote, increasingly cold environments and must build shelters, find food, and decide when to tap out without knowing how many competitors remain. Joe recounts the story of Jordan Jonas, a genuine survival expert who killed a moose and had to defend its fat from a wolverine with an axe. Because contestants are isolated, a serious injury could become fatal before help arrives. That danger leads to stories about animals attacking humans. They discuss an otter that dragged a swim instructor underwater and bit her face, armpits, and legs for about five minutes, requiring 38 stitches, as well as another woman reportedly attacked by a group of ten otters. Joe jokes that he could fight an otter, then concedes that controlling its head would be the only realistic strategy. He recalls running from a puffed-up badger and says he would rather face neither animal. The group also discusses elk wandering through Evergreen, Colorado, because they have learned that towns are safe from hunters, while deer in neighborhoods suffer from capture myopathy after prolonged panic and struggling. They connect that stress to a deer trapped in Joe’s batting cage and warn that deer and moose can become lethal road hazards, especially for motorcyclists.

The hosts compare their dogs’ personalities. Joe describes his King Charles Cavalier as an intensely affectionate puppy who greets everyone enthusiastically but would never guard the house. His golden retriever is equally friendly and has no apparent favorites. Another host says his rescue dog Bandit is strongly attached to Ari and once waited outside the bathroom for him, while the group debates whether dogs would remain loyal if kidnapped or simply transfer their affection to whoever cared for them next. Joe argues that some dogs clearly remember and recognize specific people, citing videos of military dogs reuniting with former handlers and dogs reacting to an owner’s scent before seeing him. Joe then tells a story about his dog eating roughly two pounds of gravel because chicken feed had spilled over it. The dog vomited rocks, passed more in its diarrhea, required veterinary treatment and an IV, and then immediately tried to eat a turtle, including parts of its shell. The group contrasts that dog’s lack of survival instincts with dogs that panic during fireworks and storms. Fireworks become a personal subject because Joe’s birthday is July 4; he says he enjoys watching old phone videos of fireworks even though nobody else wants to watch them. They also watch footage of a man whose hand was severely destroyed by a firework and who nevertheless immediately shotgun-beers. Joe explains that he builds a cinder-block-and-tube setup for his own large fireworks, while the others recall dangerous fireworks, Roman-candle fights, and homemade chlorine bombs.

The group discusses prosthetic limbs after watching footage of a man whose hand was destroyed by fireworks. They admire carbon-fiber prosthetics that can be fitted with tools and attachments, then speculate about a future in which replacement body parts work better than biological ones. That raises a question about people who voluntarily want healthy limbs removed. They mention a British vascular surgeon who packed his legs in ice and dry ice to induce damage, falsely claimed sepsis, and sought amputation while committing insurance fraud. He was also convicted over extreme pornography involving self-amputation and castration videos, including one in which a participant lost his penis and testicles and bled heavily enough to require an ambulance. The conversation becomes a comic survey of sexual fetishes. They joke about foot fetishes, a shoe insert designed to create a sexual opening, and procedures that place a sheath around the penis to increase apparent length and girth. Big Jay describes a consultation for penile liposuction in which the doctor had him undress, stand in front of a mirror, and used a “diamond cutter” motion around his penis and testicles to demonstrate the expected result; Jay immediately abandoned the idea. Joe wonders why there is no reliable medication for penis enlargement, while the group notes that cosmetic medicine has solved many other appearance concerns. They also discuss autogynephilia, defined in the conversation as men becoming aroused by dressing as women without being attracted to men, and question how older psychological categories fit into current discussions of gender identity.

Luis tells a long story about nearly hitting a cyclist while leaving a parking space. A woman shouted at him, the cyclist left, and Luis stayed to argue and call the police. The confrontation escalated when someone in the apartment threatened him with what appeared to be a gun; police eventually discovered it was a black dildo with a gun-shaped handle. The story becomes an example of Luis’s tendency to pursue conflict rather than let a slight go. He admits that when another driver cuts him off, he may chase the car, hoping the driver crashes, because he experiences the situation as a matter of justice. Joe suggests that driving puts people into a heightened state of awareness—already “at seven”—so a minor mistake feels like an act of war. The hosts then discuss Tesla’s full self-driving systems, Waymo, and the future of automated taxis. Joe says his Tesla can drive him home while he makes phone calls, but he still watches the road and keeps his hands ready. They note that Tesla vehicles use cameras while Waymo relies on LiDAR, and discuss Waymos stopping during power-grid failures, crowding intersections, and making aggressive lane changes. A driver told Luis that an older autonomous system learned bad habits from human drivers. They criticize subscriptions that unlock features already built into a car, including Apple CarPlay and Tesla’s self-driving capabilities. Joe likes Tesla’s acceleration and regenerative braking, while others remain skeptical of electric-car range and charging. They finish by joking about a Tesla diner whose movie screens are reserved for Tesla drivers, despite its disappointing cheeseburger.

A debate over burgers begins with Luis’s claim that the best burger he has ever eaten came from Bar Desi in San Sebastián, Spain. He describes a burger made with a carefully developed meat blend, fat, melted cheese, and an older cow, saying the final bite made him emotional. Joe explains that Spanish steakhouses often serve heavily grass-fed, dry-aged beef with yellow fat, cooked over live coals and served rare. He says ribeye would be his one lifelong food because it supplies both protein and fat, while others choose sushi or fast food. They agree that Wendy’s is probably the best reliable fast-food burger, though Big Jay defends Burger King’s Whopper and breakfast croissant. The group recalls an earlier Legion of Skanks discussion asking which fast-food chain someone would choose if trapped and fed it every day by a kidnapper; Wendy’s was the consensus winner. The final stretch is a celebration of the podcast’s deliberately uncontrolled style. They promote the tenth-anniversary Skankfest in New Orleans, with Eric Andre, Mark Normand, Jim Norton, Tim Dillon, and a naked roast battle judged by Steve, Jason Ellis, and a porn performer. They revisit the old O&A era, arguing that open-ended radio hangs with comics helped create modern podcasting. They praise Ari Shaffir’s willingness to disappear for months, travel alone, and make his life fit his own preferences, calling him an “architect of his own happiness.” Stories about the old show include Pat Duffy drinking 75 shots before receiving a huge amount of vomit in his mouth, and the comedians gluing their pubic hair into a Hitler mustache on Ari. They conclude that Skankfest succeeds because it remains chaotic, independent, and free of industry-polished restrictions.