Postpartum Psychosis: A Mother’s Story of Hope & Healing :: Amanda Taylor [Ep 593]

Heather introduces Amanda Taylor, coauthor with her husband Colby of From Playgrounds to Psych Wards, after seeing renewed public discussion of postpartum psychosis surrounding the Lindsay Clancy case and talking with a new mother about what is normal postpartum. Amanda emphasizes that depression, anxiety, and psychosis can look very different, and that psychosis is rarely discussed clearly. Heather warns that the episode includes psychiatric hospitalization, hallucinations, paranoia, confusion, agitation, and possible harm-related thoughts; she says postpartum psychosis is a medical emergency requiring 911, an emergency department, or 988 support—not merely prayer, sleep, or greater effort.

In 2013, Amanda had three children under three, was pregnant with her fourth, ran a wedding-planning company, and spent ordinary days doing laundry, playing at the playground, and caring for her children. Her water broke eight weeks early, and a traumatic labor and delivery placed the baby in the NICU. She then managed three children at home, a premature infant at the hospital, and roughly 20 weddings waiting for her work. She moved between home and the NICU by day and worked weddings at night. Five years of pregnancy or nursing, chronic sleep deprivation, and birth trauma combined into what she calls a perfect storm.

Amanda had no diagnosed mental-health history and no major difficulties after her first or third child, but later recognized depression after her second as more than the “funk” she called it. Twelve days after her fourth child’s birth, she became intensely joyful, talkative, sleepless, and impulsive. She personally bought a house—after a friend jokingly suggested the neighbors’ home—and two cars, intending to surprise Colby. At Bible study, women noticed the plan was not normal and contacted Colby. Amanda also describes hyper-religiosity during the illness: interpreting ordinary clouds or objects as divine messages and confusing genuine faith with psychosis.

At Bible study, Amanda was excited to show everyone the house, but she interpreted their lack of enthusiasm as rudeness rather than evidence that something was wrong. She believed her actions were completely normal. Colby sensed a problem but asked Amanda’s father for “another set of eyes,” and together they recognized that she needed evaluation. Amanda explains that awareness came later: after beginning treatment, she could feel racing thoughts and tell Colby that something was wrong when another manic episode began in July. During the initial episode, however, her mind presented mania, overspending, and spiritual interpretations as rational.

Colby and Amanda’s father called her obstetrician, who directed them to the emergency room. Amanda resisted intensely: in the front yard she kicked and tried to run away, so Colby physically wrestled her down and got her into the car. At the ER, she insisted she was fine and needed to nurse her baby in the NICU. At 3 a.m., a police officer took her to a psychiatric hospital; because she associated police with jail, she thought she might be punished for lying about the house. She woke after medication in blue safety scrubs, disoriented and unaware of what the facility was.

Amanda says the hospital was frightening and poorly suited to a young postpartum mother, but she also needed continuous observation and medication because the mania could have worsened without intervention. Staff monitored whether she was still excessively elevated or had become deeply depressed, adjusting a medication “cocktail”; she eventually took 13 medicines, some swallowed and some injected. She talked rapidly about Jesus, claimed to be singer Carrie Jobe, expected a tour bus, and believed she would preach with Craig Groeschel. Group therapy, music rooms, and puzzles were intended to calm patients. After discharge, medication-related depression left her unable to function for 18 months.

Amanda says she did not truly hold her son Asher until he was 18 months old, while a church-connected nanny, Miss V, helped care for him because Colby had to work as little as possible. Amanda locked herself in her room and could not be a wife, mother, or friend; Colby says he lost his wife even though they were neither divorced nor separated. She hurled hateful, profane words at Colby, her parents, and friends, then later had to apologize and rebuild trust. Some friendships did not recover, while others slowly returned through repeated reassurance and forgiveness.

Colby’s perspective in the book shows the caregiver’s uncertainty: mental illness has no visible broken bone, the patient may not accurately report her condition, and constant care can produce frustration and the temptation to give up. Counselors even advised him that leaving would be easier, but individual and couples counseling eventually helped the marriage recover; Amanda and Colby later celebrated 20 years together. Their friends and church did not wait for requests. They mowed the lawn, planted flowers, cleaned, delivered groceries, and opened the refrigerator to put food away. Amanda says helpers should often “just do the thing” rather than ask a struggling family to organize assistance.

Amanda remembers believing she would always be depressed and suicidal and never have a normal life. She says supporters had to hold up her arms like Aaron and Hur supported Moses, offering prayer, Scripture, encouragement, and practical presence while she could not create hope herself. She recommends telling one trusted person, “I am struggling,” because isolation, silence, and secrecy intensify danger. Warning signs that deserve evaluation include sudden excessive talking or joy, racing thoughts, overspending, unusual religious certainty, confusion, paranoia, hallucinations, agitation, inability to sleep, or failure to care for oneself. Amanda’s conclusion is that postpartum illness is not forever: people should seek medical care, counseling, medication, exercise, and community support while trusting that healing can take time.