Scary Parenting Advice We've All Heard

Dr. Courtney rejects the idea that comforting a child creates a spoiled child. Validating feelings such as anger, worry, or upset helps children recognize what they are experiencing and reduces the feeling’s power or intensity. Once children can acknowledge the emotion, they are better able to use a coping strategy instead of remaining stuck in it. Scott confirms that parents should not feel “spooked” about offering comfort; Courtney says emotional support is different from giving a child everything they want.

The hosts dispute the advice that parents must be tough or children will “walk all over” them, become entitled, or turn into “special snowflakes.” Courtney says children need clear standards—such as limiting screen time to 30 minutes—and parents should hold those boundaries even when children whine or become upset. She distinguishes this balanced approach from permissive parenting, where parents give in, and overly harsh parenting, where every issue becomes rigid. Parents can be flexible while still deciding the limits themselves.

Courtney says children’s disagreements and strong opinions should be heard rather than automatically shut down. Speaking up and advocating for themselves are valuable skills, especially because she has seen children struggle with people-pleasing or fear of disappointing others. Parents should identify the parts of a child’s argument they agree with, explain why they are choosing another approach, and maintain the family boundary. The goal is not for the parent to “win,” but to model listening, negotiation, and making an executive decision—even when the child dislikes the outcome.

The hosts reject the idea that children learn grit simply by being told to toughen up or being pushed into an impossible task. Courtney recommends allowing children to struggle with challenges that are within their ability to complete through practice, while praising effort and persistence rather than only the result. Parents can support executive-function or attention difficulties by doing the first step together, making a plan, or dividing the task. Struggle can build resilience when children can learn from failure and try again; throwing them into the deep end may instead discourage them.

Courtney says research does not show that timeouts inherently damage the parent-child relationship, but she finds traditional timeouts limited because they often do not teach children what to do differently. In their home, a “time in” means everyone takes a break when they are overstimulated, tired, or escalating, often decompressing in separate rooms. Afterward, the parents discuss what happened, how to respond next time, and how to calmly rejoin the family. The break teaches that it is acceptable to pause while dysregulated and then re-regulate; Courtney describes the follow-up as restoration rather than always calling it repair.

In the closing verdict, Courtney says families should retire the idea that one piece of parenting advice works for every child. Children respond differently, so parents should consider what their particular child needs and what approaches work best while continuing to teach skills, support feelings and ideas, and maintain healthy boundaries. Scott invites listeners to submit other parenting myths at phases.fm/questions. The hosts also ask listeners to subscribe, share the show, review it, and follow Phases.fm on Instagram and YouTube.